April 28, 2006

Step Up

I watch the TV show The Apprentice every week. I love it, but not as much as some other shows. The thing is that I’m too embarrassed to blog about the TV shows I watch here, and so I never do it. Don’t know why, but that’s got to stop. Most of you probably watch the same shows.

I don’t love the show because of Donald Trump. Well, let me retract that. I love the show partially because of Donald Trump, but not because I love Donald Trump himself. I think he’s right up there on the list of celebrities that I would not want to ever meet, just like how Tom Cruise topped that list of celebrities that you wouldn’t want to have dinner with. (Oh, believe me, Tom Cruise is on my list too. My list is one of those lists that doesn’t have a #1, because everybody is #1.)

But the reason I love the show because of Donald Trump is because he’s so funny. And I go back and forth all the time about whether he’s intentionally funny, or if he’s completely oblivious that the viewers are laughing at him. It’s funny that he won’t change his hairstyle even though all of America hates it and makes jokes about it. It’s funny the gross level of conspicuous consumption he’s able to acheive, like the gold-leafed apartment, and the time a couple of weeks ago when he rolled up in this six-digit-price-tag sports car and all the contestants were trying really hard not to laugh at him. It’s funny the way he speaks in ALL CAPS, like he doesn’t know about microphones and thinks he really has to talk loud enough for all of America to hear him. It’s funny the way he says everything of his is “HUGE”, or excuse me, “YOOGE”, except for when a company is sponsoring the show that week, and then they are “YOOGE”, unless they’re in competition with him, then he’s still “YOOGE” and the sponsor is a close #2. It’s funny the way he says all of his companies are doing so well when half of them are on the brink of collapse. But I don’t know if this is all an act, or if he’s really serious about it all. And I don’t know which scenario would be funnier. After all, which makes you laugh more, watching a clown stumble around on purpose, or watching a complete boob stumble around because that’s just who he is and doesn’t realize it?

Okay, I think I’ve figured out which is funnier.

But it’s not just Donald Trump that make this show a hoot. If that’s all there was, it wouldn’t be much fun because he only gets about 15 minutes of screen time. The Candidates themselves are also hilarious, and I think that reality shows have a way of casting not the best in America, but people who seem like the best on the surface but it’s all just a sham. Because how else can you explain gathering together sixteen different people from all over the country who are all exactly the same amount of incompetent? How else do you explain Brent? This is not someone who the producers thought would win.

But the reason I’m writing all of this is because of this video I found this week. One of the characteristics of the incompetents they get on this show is their ample use of every business cliche available. It’s like they are given the Business Cliche Almanac when they are cast, and have to study it every night. Actually, they don’t even study the whole thing, because they really only use a limited set of the business cliches out there. And they use them over and over and over again. And the most endemic, I think, is the phrase “Step up to the plate”, and it’s shorter derivative, “Step up”. If you know what I am talking about, if you’re nodding your head right now, click here and watch this video.

Awesome.

Filed under The Computer Vet Weblog

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