Archives » July 2nd, 2003

July 2, 2003


I’m thinking that ultrasounds aren’t meant to be studied too carefully. Watching one unfold on the screen is like watching a weird amalgam of a lava lamp and a Rorschach test. A moist blob floats across the screen, and the doctor says, “Oh, somebody’s shy today. He’s got his arms in front of his face.” I squint and nod my head, but I don’t see it. And then he moves his wand around a little bit, and the baby kicks, and the picture starts pulsating like I’m on a really bad trip, and then the doctor says, “Oh there he is. See? Now he’s looking at us!” Sure, doc. Sure. This continues on for a few minutes, with the doctor increasingly proud of himself, and every so often he’ll freeze the picture and take some measurements. And then I flash back to when I was a kid watching clouds, and I start shouting, “Ooh, I see a bunny! And there’s a rocket ship!”

And then when you get a still image printed out, whatever shape you were looking at gets frozen in time. For example, according to this ultrasound that we had taken on Monday, my future son is going to have a good career as a cartoon character.

The sunken, droopy eyes, the pig nose, the buck teeth, the long hair, it’s all there. We might as well sell him to Looney Tunes as soon as he’s born.

Based on this information, I drew up a quick little sketch of what he’s going to look like after he’s born.

Aw, what a cute little bugger. He’s a spitting image of his old man.